Specimen X II (10/12/2006)

EmmaM: Come on guys, you don't poke barbarians with mages, so why do you poke Amazon's with men?

The Crystal Maze (18/12/2005)

Morrigan: Jarak, are you wearing perfume?

Lord Sestates (24/06/2005)

Inquisitor: And what is your memory of Gish?
Moron: ...*smacks lips* Gamey.

Borderlands: Spores (06/07/2003)

*After AilsaB the succubus had kissed Xandriel, doing a Shrivel to his head*
Xandriel: She gave me a little head!

Borderlands: Guild of Artifacers (26/01/2003)

ElizabethG: So, I'm going out with a Warrior-Priest, and you are going out with a Priest-Scout.
Morwenna: Mmmmmmmmm.......
ElizabethG: Priestssssssss.......

All Hope Is Lost - Part IV (09/06/2002)

The party have just started meditating/praying.
GM: The Sun quickly darts across the sky...
TimS: No it doesn't.
GM: Sorry?
TimS: You're not conning me out of player points.

Following several fights against Zombies.
TimS: Can you check to see who the monsters think they hit, cos I'm not getting many people reporting blows within the party.
GM: Will do but they are probably right, I only got two hits. Damn this slow moving body I wasn't quick enough.

The Scorpion King (05/05/2002)

DavidG (to MarcusO): This would be much easier if I were behind you.

DavidG: Who wouldn't want to do a goblin?
RuthS: I like doing goblins!

MarcusO: (Time Freeze) Summon gay orc!

Dave: Well, done LukeG, now join into the middle of the giant dodecapede... no wait, that would make it a giant ...erm, can you sit this one out LukeG.

StephenE: The floor beneath you drops away and you fall 18" into a concealed pit. Fortunately your impact is softened, unfortunately it is softened by the Jaguar!

MarcusO: I am the Scorpion King!

MAD: By the power of air, I extinguish that...leaf!

StephenE: Please wait whilst I commune with the spirit of the forest.

Ashley: Do you have any water? My roots are so dry. A dog came by a whilst back...

Redemption: I didnt know it was urgent.
Ventus: If I just wanted a healer I would have said, could I have a healer please, I wouldnt be saying, can I have a f**king healer over here, and I mean now!

StephenE: Your druid springs into the air hitting that overhanging branch, you fall flat on your back stunned.

Skumble & Korvax (24/03/2002)

Giles: I'll send one of my disciples, Xander along to help out.
Flint: Can he fight
Giles: erm not really hew can distract the undead with his sharp witticisms.

Kiel: What's the name of the village?
Guard: Buggered if we know!
Kiel: Is this the village of buggered if I know?
Peasant: Yep the village of buggered if you know.

GM: You see a village and lots of people drilling.
Flint: for oil?

Bob (militia): The women love a man with a big sword.

Kiel: I suggest you start drilling with maces.
Bob: We'll never find oil that way.

Goblin: Rec creature rank 3.
Flint: Elf, Rec. creature rank 8.
Goblin: Erm. Goblin.
Goblin 2: Rec. creature rank 4.
Flint: Human, I mean Elf.

Skumble: By the power of this rock, no wait by the power of THIS rock. Let my power thicken and strengthen your blood so that all those who like strong blood may feel happy. Empower these creatures to better fight the foul undead.

Skumble: Verence was playing bones with Amalthea.

Skumble (to Flint, after he asked to buy the amulet): Do you have money?
Flint: I don't but I'm sure Verence does, heh Verence.
Kiel: No that's not necessary.
(Kiel - aside 'I owe him money')

Kiel: Ah yes, that would be a better route, if it werent for the poisonous grass snakes.

RobinD: You're a priest of might aren't you?
Kiel: And you are very observant.
RobinD: I recognise him from before I left the order.
Kiel: I hate puzzles.

Blaine: Sir, yes Sir. (repeated all day)

Kiel: Identify yourself in the name of the barony.
RobinD: Skumble oops Korvax.

Party: We will bring the goblin's body back with us to prove that he is dead.
GM: Time stop, Robin get over here, change of plans.

Kiel: Right then I will BRAVE the grass snakes. Use this. (Kiel throws sword to Monk)
Monk: I cannot use this strange weapon.

Monk: So all goblins are friendly then? Is this a friendly goblin then?

Monk: What is this magic of whom you speak?

Vortex: It is like the power that myself and you use.
Monk: I don't understand.
Vortex. Well when we pray to our Gods,
Monk: what are these gods.

The 4 Towers (10/03/2002)

RobinD: It's never too wet! It's getting bloody cold, though...

Barbarians: We're the clan McDonald. Ah you want to see the chief Ronald.

T'neh (to the barbarian chief): You Pansy!.
Party: Stupid mage.

Come dance with us...
Red: I would if these plants weren't binding me to the floor.

MAD (to Red): My commanding officer is an idiot.

Rasputin: My blade shall smite thee ..oops..
(Drunk Rasputin drops sword on floor)

Ventus: Right then, one more try, mages advance with me and give them everything we have...oh well, retreat?

Cult Wars 3C - Frelska (03/03/2002)

RobinD: Blaine, you're a natural born mage, alright?
When I saw him sword fighting after realising he was playing a gladiator.

ElizabethG: May the party be blown.

Flint: P-p-p-pick up a penguin.

Gabriel (noticing the fur on the wolves): Aren't you furry (evil grin)

Flint: It looks like a quadraped, no wait I can only see three legs.
(commenting on a certain wolf marking its territory)

Polar Bear: Help I'm being eaten my penguins.

A dire what?
Someone must have said it regarding the dire penguin.

Frostling's champion: We cant do the dead party members here.

Frostling's champion: Are we all coming.

ElizabethG: Luke and Robin were eating me.

DavidG: I can't do anything physically by hand.

ElizabethG: Drow never really did anything for me.

DavidG: Are they German? No they're just Welsh.

DavidG: You'll break Robin's weapon.

The Ambassador (24/02/2002)

Lanisters Ambassador: Thank you very much for your assistance, our Humacti would have been able to help but she has been erm...rather busy lately

MAD: Fuck

T'neh: (shooting MarcusO in the back with an arrow) 'Piercing 6'
MarcusO: I'm not actually here yet, but good try anyway

The GM runs into an unexpected barbed wire fence...
GM: Erm the Dark cloud you observed earlier actually seemed to be centred much more in that direction.
RobinD: Heavy winds eh?

The Unicorn - Part II (20/07/2001)

Jordell: The barbarian hasnt got any skin.

Various: Well the Lord Amen does work in mysterious ways!

Caffrey: The Baron is looking for new officers of the peace, it pays well and after a few years you might even become an estate.
Voice from woods: Boss, can i get estate too?

Delboy: Just remember to follow the chain of command.

Flaggellant: Smite the Evil!!!

Leclere: It is I le'Clere

Drow necromancer: Kill them!
One armed priest: I can't do alot with only one hand...Arghhhhh

Jordell: Ok, 2 Groats a couple of talismans and the wig of ignition for the two hats.

Turnip: Yes, come up to the highlands and bring your family, bring everyone who knows about this....

Goblin: He's stolen my Baubles!

Village Priest: Look enough of all this silly clapping business to the temple with all of you.

The Unicorn - Part I (18/02/2001)

Jordell: Can you sharpen my weapon for me?

Whilst trying to find the unicorns horn ....
(GM, guesturing to ring on finger)
Jordell: Oh, Its up his arse!

The Missing Caravan (26/11/2000)

Paladin of Aledair: Greetings! Do you walk in Adelair's light?
Haakenlander: Who?
Paladin: Adelair - or was it Aledair? Whoever!

Encounter at Coomb Deep (04/06/2000)

Hunter: (examining the recently killed body of an orc Necromancer)Discern Magic?
StephenE: Medium.
Hunter: Discern Spiritual Influence?
StephenE: Touched by Undeath.
Hunter: Oh... how nice... Discern Poison?
StephenE: No.
Hunter: Discern Disease?
StephenE: No. (sits up and strikes Hunter in the chest for Unholy 4 paralysis)

Vampire Returns - Part I (14/05/2000)

Simkin: Excuse me Mr Vampire but you dont happen to be from Abyssinia do you its just that...
Mathonwy/Chase/LLandrel: Simkin!, quite! Shhhh!

Jeremiah: I couldnt have just joined the sailing club could I!

JamesA: (Disembodied vampire spirit) You should be finishing the ritual about now

Lady Mordilla (07/05/2000)

Turnip: We demand this carpet as payment for this mission

AnthonyF: Imbue literacy rank 32

Saul: I bet if we said the answer was *fill in gap with something funny I cant remember what he said precisely* the sprites would have let us through

Saul: Stop defiling his body, let him rest in peace!
Zanthris: I'm not de..filing the body..I'm just looking at these nice stones

SIC TRANSIT BINKY (26/03/2000)

Ilson: I know we've all had a confusing day and we're all getting tense, so could we all just please relax and sacrifice a mouse.

Into The Woods (19/03/2000)

Jordell: (to Alqadiris) You told the barbarian to cut off our mage's finger?!

JamesA: This is not the party your are looking for (using the old Jedi Mindtrick on a Forest Goblin)

The Beast Of Blackwatch Castle (12/03/2000)

Cryac: Well, are you undead?
Ventus: Uh, I don't *feel* undead...

Upper Bogglehampton II (13/02/20000)

MarcusO: Hes a wanker
StephenE: He may be a wanker...but hes OUR wanker
MikeH: I was going to say hes a good wanker ...but I don't know that

Dougal: He wouldn't heal me so I killed his gardener

Amalthea: Push off...Sir!

The Lone Tower (06/02/20000)

Party: Marcus has come too soon!

Alquadiris: Its a holy symbol...that isn't a holy symbol.

Cult Wars 2 - Return Of The Cultists (30/01/20000)

Rowanne: Are you a healer?
Aramis: I will heal injured members of the party, yes...
Rowanne: Very well - I give you permission to touch me - for healing purposes only.
Aramis: There's another reason? (Aramis can be a bit naive/slow on the uptake sometimes...)

The Brethren (12/12/1999)

DavidS: (as a Tree Druid to the party) Yes I saw a half orc come through here. He was all red.
Bane: Really?
DavidS: Yes and he was wearing a pink tutu.
[Invisible spirit of the monster ref 'Stop digging me a hole!']

Graks Demise - Part III (05/12/1999)

Lomax: By the power of She'lah, grant me strength ...It's ok, I come in peace... Destroy that weapon... no, really, I want to be your friend... Drain Life 4, Drain Life 4....

Mara: Ok, I swear allegiance to the black cross, NOW STOP LIGHTNING DARTING ME!

Dougal: (about Gerard) He may be a great big powerfull tank, but inside is a weedy little driver

Graks Demise - Part I (28/11/1999)

'The Raven': Have you seen an orc with a big green weapon?

Cult Wars 1 - A New Cult (14/11/1999)

Carabas: Suicide squad, follow me! (almost his last words)

The Skull (07/11/1999)

Lanfear: You know what they say about black men...

Halloween (31/10/1999)

Chase: I'm a Paladin. I'm immune from sex.

Phosphor: I would cast but I can't do anything without my extendy bloke.

Fazer: (to Phospor) Are ye sure ye're an elf? Ye're a wee bit small.
Bregan: (to Fazer) What? You've never seen a short, fat elf before?